Drunk since the beginning of time.

For centuries it lay hidden; a secret buried deep beneath the sands of time. It wasn't until the first major archaeological excavation of the region in 1854 that it was discovered. There, among the ancient ruins of Uruk in what was then Mesopotamia, scholars were stunned to find the oldest recorded writing of man. For years science struggled to decipher its code, knowing its message would give modern man a glimpse into his distant past. Whatever this clay tablet referenced, it was obviously important enough to the Sumerians that they write it down not knowing that, 4,000 years later, it would be worth incalculable historical value.

Who knew it would be a beer recipe.

That's right. The single oldest piece of writing known to man details instructions on the proper ingredients needed to enjoy biblical beer goggles. The tablet was found in the region of Mesopotamia, the fabled "birthplace of civilization". Watered by the Euphrates and Tigris rivers, Mesopotamia is said to be the location of the legendary "Garden of Eden" (if you believe in the literal interpretation, not the implied meaning, of the Book of Genesis in the Bible). And if those rivers sound familiar, they should. Your Marines followed them all the way to Baghdad two years ago.

Back then, the cities of Ur and Uruk were two key centers of Mesopotamian civilization. It was in the city of Uruk that the world's earliest recorded writings were found. Using a reed stylus to draw on tablets of clay, temple administrators recorded the forumula to make beer. And to them, it wasn't just a simple recipe for homebrew but one handed down by the god Enki himself.

Researchers discover that this symbol

represented "clay vessel" on the tablet.

But when lines were drawn through it like this,

it meant the vessel was filled with beer.

Talk about a killer idea for your next tattoo...

According to certain scholars, Enki (the god of water) was also considered the supreme god of wisdom and magic. Out of love for his disciples, he gave the Sumerians wisdom and magic through the blessed liquid known as beer. Apparently the Sumerians knew, even before the BDS, that the more you drink, the smarter you get. And it's through the Enki magic that, over time and a few glasses, every chick in the bar gets better looking.

Here endeth the lesson. Enjoy your weekend.