Never trust an idiot with a keyboard.

This blog is proof of that, but apparently so is Rolling Stone magazine.

The list was published well over a year ago, but it still deserves to be thrown under the same short bus Casey used to ride to school. We're talking about Rolling Stone's 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time list. The BDS recently stumbled across it again. And it made us just as angry as it did the first time.

No, we aren't guitar virtuosos. Mention "Flying V" to us and someone will talk about the blocking scheme he ran when returning kick-offs in high school. We're just simple fans who grew up listening to this list bend strings in ways that struck cords in each of us. But we sure as hell know any list that ranks Ed Van Halen 53 spots BELOW Jack White of the White Stripes deserves the ass kicking it's about to receive.

Here's the list. Remember, the "greatest of all time". We'll tell you how insignificant Rolling Stone has become since actually publishing it in a few minutes.

1. Jimi Hendrix
2. Duane Allman (Allman Brothers Band)
3. B.B. King
4. Eric Claption
5. Robert Johnson
6. Chuck Berry
7. Stevie Ray Vaughn
8. Ry Cooder
9. Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin)
10. Keith Richards (Rolling Stones)

11. Kirk Hammet (Metallica)
12. Kurt Cobain (Nirvana)
13. Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
14. Jeff Beck
15. Carlos Santana
16. Johnny Ramone (The Ramones)
17. Jack White (White Stripes)
18. John Frusciante (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
19. Richard Thompson
20. James Burton

21. George Harrison
22. Mike Bloomfield
23. Warren Hayes
24. The Edge (U2)
25. Freddy King
26. Tom Morello (Rage Against The Machine; AudioSlave)
27. Mark Knopfler (Dire Straights)
28. Stephen Stills
29. Ron Asheton (The Stooges)
30. Buddy Guy

31. Dick Dale
32. John Cipollina (Quicksilver Messenger Service)
33. Lee Ranaldo (Sonic Youth)
34. Thurston Moore (Sonic Youth)
35. John Fahey
36. Steve Cropper (Booker T. and the MGs)
37. Bo Diddley
38. Peter Green (Fleetwood Mac)
39. Brian May (Queen)
40 John Fogerty (CCR)

41. Clarence White (The Byrds)
42. Robert Fripp (King Crimson)
43. Eddie Hazel (Funkadelic)
44. Scotty Moore
45. Frank Zappa
46. Les Paul
47. T-Bone Walker
48. Joe Perry (Aerosmith)
49. John McLaughlin
50. Pete Townshend

51. Paul Kossof (Free)
52. Lou Reed
53. Mickey Baker
54. Jorma Kaukonen (Jefferson Airplane)
55. Richie Blackmore (Deep Purple)
56. Tom Verlaine (Television)
57. Roy Buchanan
58. Dickey Betts
59. Jonny Greenwood (Radiohead)
60. Ed O'Brien (Radiohead)

61. Ike Turner
62. Zoot Horn Rollo (The Magic Band)
63. Danny Gatton
64. Mick Ronson
65. Hubert Sumlin
66. Veron Reid (Living Colour)
67. Link Wray
68. Jerry Miller (Moby Grape)
69. Steve Howe (Yes)
70. Eddie Van Halen (Van Halen)

71. Lightnin' Hopkins
72. Joni Mitchell
73. Trey Anastasio (Phish)
74. Johnny Winter
75. Adam Jones (Tool)
76. Ali Farka Toure
77. Henry Vestine (Canned Heat)
78. Robbie Robertson (The Band)
79. Cliff Gallup (The Blue Caps)
80. Robert Quine (Voidoids)

81. Derek Trucks
82. David Gilmour (Pink Floyd)
83. Neil Young
84. Eddie Cochran
85. Randy Rhodes
86. Tony Iommi (Black Sabbath)
87. Joan Jett
88. David Davies (The Kinks)
89. D. Boon (The Minutemen)
90. Glen Buxton (Alice Cooper)

91. Robby Krieger (The Doors)
92. Fred "Sonic" Smith (MC5)
93. Wayne Kramer (MC5)
94. Bert Jansch
95. Kevin Shields (My Bloody Valentine)
96. Angus Young (AC/DC)
97. Robert Randolph
98. Leigh Stephens (Blue Cheer)
99. Greg Ginn (Black Flag)
100. Kim Thayil (Soundgarden)

Apparent "hacks" left off the list?
Some guy named Zakk Wylde who, at age 19, played lead shredder for someone named Ozzy and is considered by most to be rock's saving grace. John Petrucci, a struggling artist from a little band called Dream Theater whose talent for writing lyrics is only surpassed by his talent for making guitars sing them. Then there's Al DiMeola, a small-time jazz player who Guitar Magazine simply called "one of the most prominent influences in the Jazz field. Ever." There's also three little wisemen that once formed The Original G3: Joe Satriani, Steve Vai and Eric Johnson. Knowing that MTV stopped playing real music back in 1989 which obviously influenced the "experts" over at Rolling Stone, it's no wonder guys like Pantera's Dimebag Darryl and prototypical '80s guitarist Yngwie Malmsteen never showed up. There's also some guy named Slash who's work on Appetite For Destruction alone puts him somewhere on the list. And two young guns named Johnny Lang and Kenny Wayne Shepherd apparently don't count 'cause no one who listens to the radio has ever heard of them.

Forget the list. Look at the order.
Tony Iommi, the Godfather of Heavy Metal Guitar, was ranked one spot above Joan Jett and fourteen below Joni Mitchell? Tom Morello is twice as talented as The Edge. And Jack White? Top 20? If that doesn't make you punch the first angst-ridden suburban teenager wearing a White Stripes t-shirt you see, we're not sure what will, other than seeing Angus Young barely make the list at all.

It's official. Rolling Stone lost what little credibility it had and all relevance in today's music scene. Think the BDS is wrong? Think you know better? Tell us about it. We'd love to argue with you.







And so would he.