You can tell a lot from the beer.

You can tell a lot about a guy by what he drives, what he eats, who he married, even what he watches on TV. You can also tell a lot by what he drinks. For instance, someone you see at the bar holding a Rolling Rock is a grad student who spent last summer following Dave Mathews from city to city and typically wears pressed Chinos when he goes out on Saturday night because someone once told him sharp pants make the sharp man.

Our gift of perception is scary, isn't it. To see how well we nailed you to your beer of choice, keep reading.

Budweiser
NASCAR tattoo. Handle bar moustache. Voted for Dale Earnhardt, Jr. in the last election. Flies big flag on porch. Loves deep-fat fried turkeys. More tackle boxes than dress ties. Intense. "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Molson Canadian
Lost a front tooth playing hockey. Loves Steve Nash. Started and quit playing bass in junior high. Wears shorts in 35˚ weather. Can't sleep at night because of NHL lock-out. Patriotic. "Working Man" by Rush.

Coors Light
Loves playin' two-hand touch, eating way too much, watching his team win, and THOSE TWINS. Hates anyone from California. Average pool player. Mellow. "Resignation Superman" by Big Head Todd & the Monsters

Foster’s Lager
Never drank a Foster's before those cool commercials showed up on TV a few years back. Feels cool ordering one in a bar. Drives a CJ-7 Jeep. Watches FOXSPORTS WORLD. Finally able to on-sight flash a 5.10. Willing. "Beds Are Burning" by Midnight Oil.

Boulevard
Barbeque snob; nothing but KC for this guy. Hates the Raiders, the Steamers and all Big XII South schools. Knows how to drive in snow and ice. Knows Pyramid Pizza is better. Real. Old Amis Otis fan. "Lightning Crashes" by Live.

Coors
Cowboy hat. Worn leather work gloves. Faded skoal ring in jeans. Old Colt Single Action Army in the glove box. Carhart jacket has a whole in the elbow. Dislikes large groups of people. Comfortable. "Stampede" by Chris LeDeaux.

Guiness
Has bad habit of slipping into English accent when he's drunk. Has a burning desire to fox hunt on horseback. Keeps powdered wig in closet for special occasions. Loves his coffee black and cold. Judgemental. "New Year's Day" by U2.

Miller Genuine Draft
Orders an "MGD" only to get upset when he has to clarify to the waitress he wants a "Miller Genuine Draft". Smirks. Nods when you talk to him, as if you need reassurance. Not afraid to send food back to the kitchen if it's not up to his liking. Smug. "I Want You To Want Me" by Cheap Trick (live version).

Miller Light
Fairly certain the world is flat and drops off sharply at the edge of Austin, TX. Prefers cans to bottles. Loves breakfast tacos. Closet full of burnt orange. Walked off the job at Dell last year. Confident bordering on arrogant. Anything by The Toadies.

Amstel Light
Thinks this is the only import allowed in the US. Used to wear a beeper, now drops the word "blue-tooth" whenever possible in casual conversation. Has Manchester U replica jersey hanging in closet. Aloof. "I Can See For Miles" by The Who.

Beck
Drives a Mercedes or BMW he can't afford. Throws annual Oktoberfest party in fall. Has framed pictures of himself at home. Thinks Chevy Chase's "European Vacation" was better than the original. Feels important. "Winds of Change" by the Scorpions.

Corona
Doesn't own a scale. Mayan temples. Chimichangas. Cozumel. Relaxed. "Pancho and Lefty" by Willie Nelson.

Corona Light
Weighs himself daily. Senior Frogs. Fat-free salsa. Cancun. Self-conscious. "Shake Your Bon Bon" by Ricky Martin.

Dos Equis XX
Typically brings his own limes to the party. Actually uses cutting board. Always a little too eager to play Dirty Jinga. Playa del Carma. Self-assurred. "Mas Tequila" by Sammy Hagar.

Heineken
Upper East Side. Over 7,000 mp3s on iPod. Doesn't listen to most of them but will tell you he does. Bought a new outfit for New Year's Eve party. Goes to a "sylist", not a "barber". Can't quite find Iowa on a map unless given a few hints. Observant. "Handshake Drugs" by Wilco.

Kirin Ichiban
Loves sushi and doesn't mind paying way too much for the rice-wrapped bait. Collects anime' comics and videos. Owns an actual headband. Recently bought a samuri sword set (complete with diato) from corner convenience store. Exotic. "Soundtrack from James Clavell's Shogun TV Miniseries" by various artists.

Lowenbrau
Too cheap to drink a good import but too high-brow for domestic "dribble". If he didn't have a pony-tail in the late '80s, he tried awfully hard to grow one. Secret fan of Euro-metal bands Iced Earth and Saxon. Closet filled with turtlenecks. Distant. "Passion" by Rod Stewart.

Mickey’s Beer
Unemployed, so oversleeping after the party isn't a concern. Drinks for the result, not the taste. Has a small but colorful police record. Loves Taco Tico over Taco Bell. Unmotivated. "O Death" by Ralph Stanley.

Sam Adams Boston Lager
Red Sox fan who jumped off the bandwagon years ago only to get back on as quickly as possible after the Yankees series last year. Sees every Ben Affleck movie then wonders why on the way home. Drinks to be seen rather than to be relaxed. Anxious. "Dream On" by Aerosmith.

Natural Light
Bathes every four days. Home often mistaken for crack house. Wears wife-beater t-shirt with ketchup stain to grocery store. Usually has to leave due to "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy. Destitute. "Hair Of The Dog" by Nazareth.

Miller
Changes own oil. Dumps dirty stuff in neighbor's yard at night. Big Bruce Springsteen fan, even though he campaigned for Kerry. Proud part of middle-management at the Plant. That reserved parking spot will be his in a few years. Stable. "Rockin' the Free World" by Neil Young.

Busch
Seen KISS 19 times in concert, but still prefers southern rock. Spent life savings on used 1986 metal-flake grey bass boat complete with working trolley motor. Used to wear headband on thigh in high school. Honest. "Tuesday's Gone" by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Busch Light
Smokes Kool Lights. Occasionally seen down at the hall on Bingo Night. Bank fisherman. Poached a 7-point in '89; felt somewhat bad about it but not bad enough to never doi it again. Can't remember his third child's name; calls him "Bud" instead. Hapless. "Tuesday's Gone" by Metallica.

Colt .45
Huge Billy D. Williams fan. Spent more money on rims last month than on rent. Bought deep-fat fryer for girlfriend. Spent entire paycheck on uzi-pendant with gold chain. Held down by the Man for centuries. Sleepy. "Nuthin' But A G-Thing" by Dre.

Labatt
Viva la Quebec! Rise up and revolt! Hip-check all English-speaking pigs! They took our game now they want our caribou! Why do we always yell?! Aggressive. "Never Surrender" by Triumph.

Lone Star
Wants TiVO only to record future episodes of "Cops". Patiently waiting to see uncle or cousin on next episode of "America's Most Wanted". Confederate flag bumper sticker. Mom has mullet. Broken washer in front yard next to tire swing. Sluggish. "If The South Woulda Won" by Hank Williams, Jr.

Milwaukee’s Best
Undecided major taking 16 hours. Typically shows up for nine. Sells plasma for $35 every three weeks. Asks Mom for money; never Dad. Hasn't quite figured out professional wrestling is fake. Cheap. "Louder Than Hell" by Motley Crue.

Old Milwaukee
Works the assembly line with his brother, two sisters, father, mother, step-father, step-mother, other step-mother, half-brother and grandpa. Wears same Ratt concert shirt every Saturday afternoon. Lethargic. "For Those About To Rock" by AC/DC.

Keystone Light
Has crush on 6th hour art teacher. Hides stash in ditch on dirt road south of town. Sleeps 'til noon on weekends. Denied third base by girlfriend last weekend. Never been to Homecoming. Lazy. "War Pigs" by Sabbath.

Pabst Blue Ribbon
Evicted from mobile home by wife for cheating on her with "that slut Wanda" from next door. Wears five-day stubble seven days a week. Carries cigarette lighter that looks like a cellphone. Dense. Has no favorite song; can't afford a stereo or car with radio.

Shiner
Loves to grill on the patio. Perfected the art of the "bottlecap snap". Makes homemade guacamole. Tends to lean towards the right on fiscal issues and sways towards the left on social ones. Gets lost once he leaves Texas. Trustworthy. "Southbound 35" by Pat Greene.

Bud Light
Doesn't mind unflushed toilet has more color than his beer. Johnny Cash poster in garage. Goes bottles for classy events and cans for backyard ones. Yearns for the days before free agency. Grass-stained tennis shoes. T-shirts. Content. "Summer Nights" by Van Halen.