Faithful Rides From A Distant Past

It went faster than you thought it could when you were late for class. Picked up your Homecoming date after the footbal game. Provided a place to “get acquainted” with her, if you were lucky, after the dance. It delivered you to distant parties and seemingly drove itself back home afterwards. Your friends borrowed it, your bottle of Peach Schnapps slid out from underneath the front seat one time when your Dad decided to drive it and, at some point, “Do You Dream About Me” by Night Ranger piped through its speakers.

We’re talking about that car you had in high school.
More specifically, the cars we had in high school.

Monte Carlo SS
The flagship of the BDS armada. This car could fly, especially when coming home late from an Andover party and running up the side of a concrete highway barrier. A stolen radar detector was strategically placed under the hood on the grill with its LED display concealed under the dash; more than one ticket was avoided because of it. On Saturday nights, when it was time to roll into the big city and drag Douglas, this was the chariot that carried us there. Not only because more than one hot chick fell under its spell, but because it was a fast enough to get us out of trouble when we set the spurs to her.

Pontiac Cutless Supreme
The only thing more dated than this ride's yellow paint job with black pinstriped velvet interior was the 8-track player built into the radio. Thankfully a converter that played regular cassettes in an 8-track player was eventually purchased at The Village Flea Market (where else?), otherwise it would have been Captain and Tennille tunes ever more. A Holly 4-Barrell carburator gave the Beast more kick than expected, and the tilted sunroof covered for a broken air conditioner. Not one but both inside door handles eventually broke, making it necessary for driver and passenger to imitate Bo and Luke just arriving at the Boar's Nest each time they exited the vehicle. Not to be confused with the later-model maroon Cutless Supreme that instantaneously burst into flames on Tony Perez's driveway several years later.

Chevy BDS-10s (as in two)
One was dark blue; it virtually disappeared into the darkness when a quick escape was needed. The other was white; a tiger claw decal on the back told the world "don't mess with me" in that tough yet trendy '80s way. Considered the BDS U-Haul division, these trucks carried more beer and party equipment than any other vehicles in the fleet. Coolers, tacke boxes, the occasional farm impliment, even the BDS themselves found refuge and a bed-away-from-home in those truck beds. One urban legend even has hundreds of dollars worth of damage done to the Blue BDS-10 being "squared" with the offending party buying the transgressed a case of beer.

AMC Gremlin
No, it wasn't blue like the picture or named Gizmo like the movie. This one was green. That's right. A green Gremlin. The only thing stronger than the vibes this car gave off was the self-confidence needed and shown by the guy who actually drove it. Considered not a car as much as a utilitarian piece of machinery whose sole purpose was to deliver its content from Point A to Point B without incident, this little bastard child of the VW Bug successfully withstood countless insults and numerous adventures. Like the time where the BDS learned that stolen K-Mart shopping carts dragged down the highway at 50 mph send sparks flying in all directions like nobody's business.

Chevy Astrovan
If any vehicle in the BDS inventory could drive itself home at the end of the night, it was this one. Black like the inside of many eyelids which were typically seen from the backseat on the way home from a killer party, this rolling keg on wheels was spacious enough to carry an entire Viking raiding party looking to pillage and burn the countryside. That may explain the clumps of wheat found inside the engine and under the van the day after one particular excursion to Derby. And the autopilot myth? Legend has it a tapped keg mysteriously appeared once in the center aisle of the van. The driver, thirsty from the heat and eager to join the party behind him, left his seat to grab a drink. Literally. At night. In traffic. The screams from the back somehow convinced him to return to the task at hand. Not the one in it.

Fallen heroes left off the list? A black celica. Old Red, the truck. A tan El Camino. Why? 'Cause we had trouble finding pictures. Besides, those guys don't read this crap anyway so they'll never know we forgot about them.

Remember your high school ride? Tell us about it and we'll make fun of it with you.