Go slow and nobody gets hurt.
The BDS has, on occasion, inadvertently bumped into the business end of a law enforcement flashlight. No, nothing serious...well, at least nothing that voided any state statute of limitation laws. But most of us, at some point, have felt the cold steel of handcuffs on our wrists during our younger cowboy days.
From "borrowing" an employer's truck to throwing a quiet farm party backlit by a 10-foot bonfire big enough to be seen from space (let alone the highway), we found ourselves thinking "wow, the backseat of your typical cop car is much smaller than you'd think from watching TV". And it's that pedigree, those past experiences, that qualify us to spend a few minutes on dealing with The Boys In Blue. In other words, follow us and we'll help you avoid a ticket the next time you're 15 minutes late to the party and you see flashing lights in your rearview mirror. Follow us and we'll help you get out of that ticket.
1. Pull over immediately.
The second you're lit up by The Long Arm of the Law, pull over. Don't bother using your turn signals to work your way over to the shoulder. Just get over and put the car in park. Better yet, turn the car off once you've stopped.
2. Roll down your windows.
Driver's side should be rolled down all the way. Passenger and rear windows should be rolled down partially. This makes it easier for the approaching officer to gauge the situation and take a quick mental inventory of what (and who's) inside your car.
3. If it's dark, turn on your dome light.
Again, this makes it easier for Johnny Fuzz to see inside.
4. Show your hands.
As the officer approaches your window, keep both hands on the steering wheel. Preferably at the 10 o'clock and 11 o'clock positions. The first thing he's looking for is your hands to make sure you're not holding anything stupid. Don't make him guess.
5. Call him "sir" once, but not twice.
Using the phrase "sir" during the initial conversation automatically signals to the guy WITH A LOADED GUN ON HIS HIP that he's in control and you know this. Then talk to him as you would anyone else. If you call him "sir" more than once, it's seen as ass-kissing and will cause him to be suspicious.
6. No sudden movements.
This is where most people screw up. When he asks to see your license, tell him you're going to reach into your back pocket with your right hand to retrieve it and do so slowly. When he asks for proof of insurance, tell him you're going to lean over with your right hand to grab it from the glove box and do so slowly. At this, he will automatically ask you what you do for a living. When this happens, you're almost in the clear. He thinks you're a cop.
6. Don't lie.
Don't tell him you're a cop if you aren't. Just be honest. Tell him you know the dangers he faces every day, especially when approaching a car at night. You simply want him to feel safe, 'cause if he feels safe you won't get shot. Tell him that, and he'll laugh as he walks your license back to his car to check for any outstanding warrants. Just hope you got that case settled back in Shreveport correctly and you'll be fine.
Two weeks ago we ran back to the Motherland for a wedding and found ourselves blinded by flashing lights from behind. It was 12:30am on a desolate patch of I-35 and one glance in the side mirror showed a young officer cautiously approaching our vehicle with a hand firmly placed on his weapon. After following the tried and true rules listed above, he gave us a warning and told us to slow down.
Not too bad for being clocked doing 74 mph in a 35-mph toll booth zone.
From "borrowing" an employer's truck to throwing a quiet farm party backlit by a 10-foot bonfire big enough to be seen from space (let alone the highway), we found ourselves thinking "wow, the backseat of your typical cop car is much smaller than you'd think from watching TV". And it's that pedigree, those past experiences, that qualify us to spend a few minutes on dealing with The Boys In Blue. In other words, follow us and we'll help you avoid a ticket the next time you're 15 minutes late to the party and you see flashing lights in your rearview mirror. Follow us and we'll help you get out of that ticket.
1. Pull over immediately.
The second you're lit up by The Long Arm of the Law, pull over. Don't bother using your turn signals to work your way over to the shoulder. Just get over and put the car in park. Better yet, turn the car off once you've stopped.
2. Roll down your windows.
Driver's side should be rolled down all the way. Passenger and rear windows should be rolled down partially. This makes it easier for the approaching officer to gauge the situation and take a quick mental inventory of what (and who's) inside your car.
3. If it's dark, turn on your dome light.
Again, this makes it easier for Johnny Fuzz to see inside.
4. Show your hands.
As the officer approaches your window, keep both hands on the steering wheel. Preferably at the 10 o'clock and 11 o'clock positions. The first thing he's looking for is your hands to make sure you're not holding anything stupid. Don't make him guess.
5. Call him "sir" once, but not twice.
Using the phrase "sir" during the initial conversation automatically signals to the guy WITH A LOADED GUN ON HIS HIP that he's in control and you know this. Then talk to him as you would anyone else. If you call him "sir" more than once, it's seen as ass-kissing and will cause him to be suspicious.
6. No sudden movements.
This is where most people screw up. When he asks to see your license, tell him you're going to reach into your back pocket with your right hand to retrieve it and do so slowly. When he asks for proof of insurance, tell him you're going to lean over with your right hand to grab it from the glove box and do so slowly. At this, he will automatically ask you what you do for a living. When this happens, you're almost in the clear. He thinks you're a cop.
6. Don't lie.
Don't tell him you're a cop if you aren't. Just be honest. Tell him you know the dangers he faces every day, especially when approaching a car at night. You simply want him to feel safe, 'cause if he feels safe you won't get shot. Tell him that, and he'll laugh as he walks your license back to his car to check for any outstanding warrants. Just hope you got that case settled back in Shreveport correctly and you'll be fine.
Two weeks ago we ran back to the Motherland for a wedding and found ourselves blinded by flashing lights from behind. It was 12:30am on a desolate patch of I-35 and one glance in the side mirror showed a young officer cautiously approaching our vehicle with a hand firmly placed on his weapon. After following the tried and true rules listed above, he gave us a warning and told us to slow down.
Not too bad for being clocked doing 74 mph in a 35-mph toll booth zone.
posted by TheBDS at 2:50 PM
4 Comments:
Hey, you forgot to mention what happens when you ask the nice officer how long it is going to take....tee-hee.
Loch's Wife
Or you could just be preggers, like the one time when I was pulled over. Or preggers on Mother's Day, like my sis-in-law was. Those rank only a warning, apparently.
Good advice. You forgot one thing that has always gotten me out of the jam--flip the radio onto the local Christian station (if you can remember what that is) and turn the volume to medium low.
A Monte Carlo SS! My bro had one of those back in the day in TX. White with maroon interior and racing stripes, one fast lady in her time. I loved that car and carried the dream for many years that he'd give it to me upon my graduation day.
Alas, it had been wrecked by then...
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