What the hell?

We've all hit that wall before; the one that instantly makes you freeze and say "what the hell?" when you see something weird, hear something strange or read something so bizzare that you're forced to re-read the sentence again. Like, oh, we don't know, maybe finding a recent picture of that nice but goofy metalhead from high school hanging out with METALLICA'S JAMES HETFIELD.

That's right. Goddard's own Mark Good appears to be making a name for himself on the airwaves back home as a radio DJ. So much so that he's been recently seen rubbing shoulders with old Lars and James. Wonder if he told them everything since Ride The Lightning has sucked. Anyway, on with the list:

Who the hell gets paid this much to suck?
Pitcher Kyle Lohse beat his team the Minnesota Twins last week in the first salary arbitration case of the year. Last year he was paid $395,000. After a 9-13 record and a 5.3 ERA, he wanted (and subsequently won) a contract worth $2.4 million. So let's get this straight: he loses more than he wins and, because of that, he gets a 600% increase in pay? What the hell?

Who the hell cares about the Grammys anyway?
Apparently not too many folks. Last Sunday night's show drew the Grammys lowest total viewership in a decade and was the 2nd-lowest rated show ever. Wonder why? Could be because the Grammys have always been one of the most over-rated award shows in the history of over-ratedness. Case in point? Led Zeppelin. The band that arguably defined music in the '70s, the bad that all others have since stood upon, NEVER WON A GRAMMY. EVER. We're serious. Look it up and you'll say "What the hell?" too.

It'll be hell if they miscalculated this one.
According to the latest calculations, a giant asteroid the size of three FIFA regulation soccer fields will make the closest flyby of Earth in recorded history, scientists said. It will pass between the Earth and Moon and will even come closer than the orbit of many telecommunication satellites, although astronomers insist there will be little chance of a collision with the massive rock. "Little chance?" "No chance" would be nicer. The asteroid 2004 MN4 will make its flyby around 10pm on Friday, April 13 in the year 2029. And yeah, that Friday the 13th date should have you wondering "what the hell kind of coincidence is that?"

Who the hell won't get mad after reading this?
Second Lt. Ilario Pantano, 33 and recently returned from a tour of duty in Iraq, has been recently charged with premeditated murder in connection with an April 15, 2004 shooting incident. Pantano, leading a quick-reaction platton in the Sunni Triangle, stopped two men who fled his unit in an SUV from a hide-out where weapons were eventually discovered. Pantano and witnesses said the two men came toward him despite his command in Arabic to stop. Fearing for his safety and those under his command, he removed the oncoming threat. And how do we thank him? By forcing him to undergo an Article 32 investigation, a precurser to a court martial. What the high holy hell?

Who the hell bets on NASCAR?
Oh, uh, sorry Craig. Yeah, okay, sure. We're in. Put our tab on Mr. Underhill's bill. What the hell.

Who the hell pays $590,000 for a painting?
Actually, we would. Remember the Dogs Playing Poker painting? Two of them recently sold for almost $600,000. If we remember correctly, that's about what was on the table when Casey nervously whispered "pot" during a little card action at his bachelor party. Nerves of steal, we tell ya. Nerves of naval steel. Hell.

Who the hell can choose between a Beretta and a Browning?
Around here, "over and under" means more than asking the line on a Pacific Rim game in a vain attempt to even the score with your bookie after a rough weekend of college hoops. It also means Beretta and Browning, two of the finest shotgun manufacturers around. Which one's better? Might as well ask "Ford or Chevy" And why is this argument in this post? 'Cause we recently found both on sale for a price that made us do a double-take. Reasonable enough, at least, to know that we'll be chasing Texas quail and Kansas ringnecks next season with one of them. We're just having a hell of a time deciding which one.

What the hell is up with the lack up recent posts?
The last few weeks have been busy at work and busier at home. Hopefully things will settle down in the next few weeks and we'll resume posting our regularly scheduled crap to this two-bit blog, but don't expect anything soon. This weekend several members of Seal Team Six are headed to KC. Trips like this usually require gallons of Gatoraide, a bong full of Pepto and 48 hours of continuous sleep afterwards. We may act like immature 17-year olds, but our bodies sure as hell don't recooperate like it anymore.

We'll see you next week. If we make it back alive.